


Mourning Becomes Eleanor

by Raven (singlecrow)



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 20:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17107697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singlecrow/pseuds/Raven
Summary: Eleanor really should have realised she was bisexual when she wasalive.





	Mourning Becomes Eleanor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Steve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steve/gifts).



Like any other Arizona trashbag, Eleanor used to have a well-curated porn collection in a folder on her hard drive labelled “FUCKING BRING IT RUSSIAN HACKERS”. There weren’t that many dicks in it. Like, a few. There was some weird POV stuff with a kind of moving cardboard cut-out of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s face. But none of that “cAnDY gets pOUndDed!!” stuff. It made her feel bad. It made her want to step through the screen and ask Candy if she was really into it. Which was lame and a boner-killer, so mostly Eleanor went for girl-on-girl stuff. She liked glittery strap-ons and when they smiled and laughed.

She also liked twinks on spanking benches, because fork it, she’s only human.

#

Then there was the thing with Madison. Madison was Eleanor’s friend shortly to be known as Dress Bitch, so maybe ‘friend’ is kind of overstating it, whatever. The point is, Madison had a great rack. It was a really great rack. It was about the only reason Eleanor could think of for why some girl in Madison’s office came onto her. Eleanor got the girl’s name, stalked her Facebook, and found out that she was sort of cute and also had a great rack. Which didn’t make her anything special, but did make her one of the six and three-quarter billion people in the world who could do better than Madison.

So Eleanor decided Madison was stupid as shit for turning the girl down and then forgot about it, until she overheard Madison telling her mom on the phone that some lez came onto her and it was gross, right. Fucking dyke.

Eleanor hung around on the sidewalk around Madison’s office building. She recognised the girl from her Facebook, bought her a couple of margaritas and they ended up screwing in the ladies’ room. Afterwards Eleanor told Madison about some of the orgasms she missed out on and acted out some of the others. The girl and Eleanor texted for a while till one of them ghosted. Probably Eleanor. It was cool.

#

Her college roommate. Her college roommate, who actually was called Candy. Eleanor doesn’t like thinking of her. It makes her feel bad.

It makes her feel guilty.

So Candy was… fine. She crunched tortilla chips too loudly. She dressed like something out of the Babysitters’ Club. She never met Madison but if she had she could have done better than Madison. Candy was fine.

Then halfway through sophomore year she got sad, which was annoying. Eleanor wanted to bring guys home and Candy just sat in their room playing Pac-Man. Her Babysitters’ Club friends came over and talked to her in hushed voices, and that was even more annoying. Eleanor was horny enough to apply for a transfer when Candy got a care package from home and the Babysitters’ Club showed up again. They helped her unwrap and hang a big rainbow flag and said things like, _sweetie, we told you your mom would understand_.

Eleanor cut the flag to shreds.

#

It took a month in the Good Place and thirty breakfasts overseen by clowns before Eleanor figured out that Janet could do _anything_. 

“Like, anything,” Eleanor said, turning away from Bozo the Hades Clown, which put her face-on to Hades the Bozo Clown. “Anything. Like, if I’d seen it on… uh. A website. You could do that.”

“I am capable of performing sexual acts,” Janet said. “How intense do you like your orgasms?”

“Whoa. Okay. Forget I asked. I mean. Why do you ask?”

“Some humans who are capable of multiple climax prefer a refractory period while others prefer a continuous layering of sensation.” Janet tilted her head. “From a review of your sexual history--”

“Okay! Okay, you’re gonna have to stop talking. I don’t-- ” Eleanor paused. “I was just asking. I don’t actually want to have sex with you, jeez.”

“I am aware you consider yourself heterosexual. Your heart rate has risen by twenty-four percent.”

“Janet!” 

“Hi!

“It’s, you know,” Eleanor said. “It’s not that I’m not… into you. It’s… you know.”

“What?”

“Jason, it’s Jason, you heart Jason, I don’t wanna, you know, Jason. Fork!” 

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Janet said, which was a lie. Eleanor took care of her own orgasms.

#

“So, yeah, whatever, I’m bisexual now,” Eleanor says, having just finished explaining all this to Tahani. She and Tahani are in bed, with Eleanor’s head pillowed on the curve of Tahani’s shoulder, because Eleanor _is_ bisexual now. 

Now that she’s dead. 

Maybe if she hadn’t been such a jerk when she was alive, she’d have figured it out then. Maybe she’d have known why she was angry. Maybe she wanted _her_ mom to send her a rainbow flag and a cake.

“No,” Tahani says, surprised. “Not that. Though honestly Eleanor, how an allegedly intelligent person could be so lacking in self-awareness-”

“Oh, fork off, Tahani Miss No Nothing I Do Is To Do With My Crippling Insecurity About My Sister.”

(Later, when she’s figured out that Tahani is also a jerk who’s been sent to the Bad Place, Eleanor will remember saying this. _Yeah, allegedly intelligent, Eleanor_.)

“But you wanted that girl not to feel rejected by… what was her name? Your terrible flatmate.”

“Madison, her name was Madison, Tahani, keep up. And she had a great rack.”

“And your, ah, tastes in pornography notwithstanding--”

“Don’t make like you never watched porn, Tahani. Bet you liked black and white. Ooh, soft-focus _nipples_.”

“I preferred shibari,” Tahani says. “Why didn’t you understand this before, Eleanor?”

“That I was bisexual? When I was cutting that flag to shreds or watching twinks scream?”

“Not that, you bloody idiot,” Tahani says. Eleanor can feel that she's smiling; it’s not just a passing expression but a softness passing through her entire body. Eleanor feels enveloped by warmth. 

“What?” she asks, when Tahani doesn’t answer.

“Why didn’t you understand you could be a better person?” Tahani says, still smiling. “That you had it in you?

“I don’t know, Tahani,” Eleanor says. “I was a pretty terrible person. It’s okay. I’m trying to do better.”

“Yes,” Tahani says. “Yes.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Mourning Becomes Eleanor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17973101) by [RevolutionaryJo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevolutionaryJo/pseuds/RevolutionaryJo)




End file.
